Relationships – Don’t play the victim

 

We have all experienced some kind of frustration and heartbreak in our relationships, we have all cried over a guy or a girl and got angry at them for doing something we were not happy with.

We are all individuals, we have our own paths and our own goals in life, the majority of people do not respect or understand that, we think that once we are in a relationship that the other person has to have their souls entwined with ours, that their every move and action has to be run by us first, and the moment your partner does something you’re not comfortable with or god forbid doesn’t reply to your message straight away, you start to create your own pity party, call your friends and have a moan at how disrespectful that person has been and how you feel like rubbish . You then get angry and start creating problems that were not there to begin with, you end up arguing and not talking to each other..

crying

Sound familiar? i bet it does, please stop it, it’s not attractive nor pleasant, those actions scream LOW SELF ESTEEMIIOOOOOO.

Self esteem plays a huge role in ours lives, if you feel rubbish about yourself and always put yourself down about your weight, height, hair colour or constantly compare yourself to the other women/men etc, how do you expect others to love you for who you are if you don’t love yourself ? it’s like you have a list of all the things you hate about yourself stapled to your forehead for everyone to see and when a person lacks confidence, it is VERY visible, it’s visible through your image, through your posture, your speech and mannerisms.

You MUST learn to be happy with yourself before getting into a relationship, you need to be comfortable with spending time alone before you allow other people into your own personal space.
Lots of issues in relationships arise from one person expecting more from a relationship than the other, which isn’t a bad thing, i think for women it’s a lot easier to throw everything into a new relationship and expect your partner to do the same. For most women, when they get into relationships, in the back of their minds they are looking for a life partner, it may not seem that way at the beginning, but slowly they start thinking about future plans, whilst the man is probably not even thinking about anything remotely close. It’s important to take things slow and not force anything to happen, only you will know where your relationship is heading, if you are unsure, then communicate, lack of communication is a relationship killer, and most shy away from talking because they want to avoid confrontation, but if you can’t express how you feel then please do not expect the other person to be a mind reader. If you are not happy, then you have a choice to talk or sit and suffer, but don’t start acting silly by expecting others to guess what’s wrong with you.
Over thinking is another factor which will almost certainly affect your relationship and leave you so confused, because you’ve created a story in your head that never existed, you then start acting upon that thought you created and before you know it, you’ve cried a river, accused your partner of everything  that’s wrong in the world and affirmed to yourself that you are not good enough and that you’re relationship is heading to the grave.
Learn to silence your mind, stop allowing your mind to wander! What i do when I’ve allowed myself to overthink in any situation , is get a piece of paper and draw a line in the middle, on one side of the line i write ‘facts’ and the other side i write ‘thoughts’, in the fact section, i write down what i know for sure is happening or what for sure has been said, then on the other side, i write down what my thoughts have allowed me to assume about the situation, i then focus on what facts i actually have, and scribble out the thoughts, because they didn’t actually take place, i made them up and i can easily remove them. Deal with what you have and stop assuming, if it didn’t happen or you didn’t hear it then don’t create drama for no reason because only you will suffer.

When you constantly expect something to go wrong in your relationship, or keep replaying the same negative scenario from a previous relationship, you’re more or less asking for it to happen again. I’ve done this so many times and it’s not fun nor rewarding, i would spend night after night crying and overthinking, i would compare my previous relationship to my current one and pick at similarities, and convince myself that this relationship will end like the one before it, only i would suffer from this and unfortunately, it went on to affect that relationship.
The past should be left where it is, what happened before will only affect your current relationship if you allow it to. If you find yourself going through the same situation in every new relationship, it’s because there is a lesson to be learned, don’t go into something new with old baggage, there’s nothing worse then carrying your old habits when you want something new, easier said than done but how badly do you want the relationship you’ve always dreamed about? it’s your choice. Guys/Gals, will not hang around for long if all you do is create drama and constantly bitch about your past relationships, it’s extremely unattractive.

Relationships are wonderful, and you must realise that you’re always in control of your feelings and emotions, if you’re a jealous person or get paranoid easily, ask yourself why? what happened in your past that made you into who you are now? A lot of you may have been in relationships that were negative, your partner may have cheated on you and that left a scar, but if you continue to tarnish your new relationship with the same brush, then how do you expect to have the wonderful relationship you crave?

Be your own person in your relationship, lots of gals forget this and get attached way too quickly that they neglect their friends and become a recluse and can’t be bothered to go out anymore, then when their relationship is threatened in anyway, they become lost and don’t know what to do. We’ve all done this, we’ll dedicate all our time to the bf and stay at home, cook, clean, reject invitations to party’s and make the worlds worst excuses for why you can’t leave your grown adult boyfriend for an hour or so, then when that relationship ends, we get confused and moan about the lack of friends and social life..errmmmm how do you expect people to still want to see you after  neglecting them for so long.. Not worth it people, never forget who you are and who was there for you when you needed them.  On the plus side, it’s super duper nice to be with someone who has their own life, nothing attractive about a cling on… Yuck!

Go out with your girls, and have fun, don’t ever forget yourself in a relationship, make sure you always feel good about you.

Don’t depend your own happiness on other people, other peoples actions should not have an effect on how you see yourself. As i mentioned in my other post ‘How to love yourself’, you need to have more love for yourself than you do for other people, this is an  act of kindness towards yourself, why do you treat others with more love and respect than you do to yourself? You are wonderful, and the more you compare yourself to other people the more you will hate what you have, be your own and use your thoughts to visualise a great relationship with a wonderful companion.

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